II. The Foundation: Social Emotional Development.
It may be advisable to print out and share some of this information with the teachers and administration of the schools where you work. You may want to decide if the parents that you work might also benefit. Often this type of developmental theory is not covered in depth by educational programs and can be of enormous benefit in developing empathy and compassion. If we are going to build bridges we must all share some common foundation of knowledge. As clinician's we often function as educators about life's process. It builds strong bonds and trust to know that certain things are actually 'normal' in certain situations and can be helped by a variety of methods.
We are witnessing an enormous increase in school shootings and seemingly random violence. It is apparent that murder and random violence often occur as a result of loneliness, disconnectedness and lack of compassion and care for the life of self or others. It is in our earliest bonding experiences that these values are developed and fostered. However, the world continues to be complicated beyond toddlerhood. Two working parents, if the child is so fortunate, can come home exhausted and despite their best intentions have difficulty slowing down to the level of a child to be truly present and listen to the concerns, hopes , fears and accomplishments of the day. In no way should this be read as yet another indictment against 'mom who should be home with the kids'. Yet as a society we must look to the disruption caused by children cared for by persons other than family. We need to consider, perhaps, a new paradigm that can provide consistency, love and attention without families struggling to make ends meet. T. Berry Brazelton has often stated that the child should be cared for at home for the first five years. This gives the developing child a sense of safety and predictability in their surroundings. It provides a place and caregiver to mirror and praise the child's forward movements. A continuation of this attention and care needs to happen throughout the life of the child. In most of our client's cases a serious disruption to care has occurred.
The model I found consistently helpful in understanding the human development in a social context is Erik Erikson's Eight Stages of Man. By setting each stage up as a challenge of one issue vs. the other, Erikson provides us an understanding of the repercussions resulting from not successfully navigating a particular stage. The stages are as follows:
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Erik Erikson's Eight Stages of Man 1) Basic Trust vs. Mistrust. This is early childhood wherein the child is able to recognize and depend upon a certain consistency in their environment. The strong primary caretaker and the development of bonding set the stage for self esteem and compassion to develop within the individual. 2) Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt. When a toddler is exploring his/her world they need a consistent caretaker to monitor and guide his/her progress and safety . As the child understands and learns the meaning of no and go ahead and try, he/she gains confidence in his/her own separate state of being. If this guidance is absent or inconsistent it is difficult to establish the beginnings of independence and appropriate social behavior. 3) Initiative vs. Guilt. Between the ages of three and four children really start to incorporate the concept of being able to do things and make a difference in their world. It is a concept that progresses from the action response mode of the previous stages to a more thoughtful goal oriented approach. Again consistent reinforcement and an enriched environment with things to discover and explore feeds this natural curiosity. Passive learning in front of videos or television will not stimulate the same levels of cognitive learning. Additionally, structured learning of numbers and alphabet, other than in song, may be premature. This a delightful age which given the freedom and safety in environment will promote healthy self esteem. 4) Industry vs. Inferiority. This stage stretches through the latency period of 5-12 years and beyond if not successfully navigated. Children are sent to school and given many opportunities to learn with their already acquired skills in exploring. I have heard many a teacher rue video games stating the transition to a more interactive, participatory learning environment can be difficult for students who spend many hours "plugged in". This is an exciting time but puts children in the position of often being judged against their peers. If there are early deficits in learning or undiagnosed and untreated learning disabilities, the struggles for the child can be immense. More and more school districts are testing kindergarten age students in playful perceptual situations in an effort to avoid missing crucial information. Kids naturally want to learn and master their environment. This is another area where mental health and family services can work together with the schools and community to create a healthier environment for our children. 5) Identity vs. Role Confusion. Adolescence in the industrial society has become increasingly difficult . The standard defining a successful adult has continued to change often involving more education or training than the kids know how to get or is available to them. Mentoring programs are beginning to flourish as we recognize we need to offer more vocational training at an earlier age to help students develop a greater sense of their likes and dislikes. Clubs and gangs have been a historical part of this stage in America. Although we often express horror at the youth gangs of today, in the movies the older, more organized gangsters are almost revered. There have been numerous Academy Awards bestowed upon these movies. The lifestyle although very violent is also presented as glamorous and powerful. For kids searching for a place to fit, these groups offer a type of friendship and belonging. Unless we can find a way to offer this experience in a non violent manner, kids who have felt excluded and on the fringes will continue to gravitate to these groups. 6) Intimacy vs. Isolation. Young Adulthood brings with it the evolution of relationships and life into a place of deeper intimacy and meaning. With a firm sense of self being developed in the earlier stages we can expect our relationships to proceed in this manner. Without this earlier development we may feel adrift. As therapists, we often help clients regress to a place to mend the unfinished business of childhood. There are many opportunities to redo what was inadequate at earlier ages; however, if the choices in this present stage revolve exclusively around "partying" any meaningful forward movement is unlikely. 7) Generativity vs. Stagnation. From a deep relationship with Self and other springs forth the desire to create and continue some part of yourself beyond your own sphere of influence and lifetime. This is the generativity referred to in this stage. Without the creative outlet, whether that be children, work, art or service, a person can feel stuck and without meaning. Families can be encouraged to get involved in their passion if only a few hours a month, They may also be encouraged to venture forth and see how their passion might be shared with others. Our society has no shortage of folks who can use a bit of attention. Mother Teresa once commented that the poverty in our country was much deeper than in India where food could feed the hunger. She felt our country's need was on a much deeper and more desperate level. 8) Ego Integrity vs. Despair . Do what you love: an edict much easier preached than followed. Yet when we face our own mortality we need to be able to look back on a life we feel content having lived. This judgment is ours alone to make . We need to put our energies where we feel them to be most needed. Barbara Bush was quite eloquent in dismissing feminist notions regarding her success. She simply stated that in the end she would feel far better having given her energy and time to her kids and loved ones rather than having achieved greater professional and material success. It is all in how you personally place value in your life.
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The Family Life Cycle
From a family perspective, I have witnessed in our
multiple loss clients a breakdown of the usual developmental stages of the
family life cycle. They are listed in Jay Haley's Uncommon Therapy as
(1) courtship;
(2) marriage;
(3) first child;
(4) birth of siblings;
(5) first to school;
(6) adolescence;
(7) leaving home;
(8) marriage;
(9) grandchildren;
(10) care and death of parents.
In most of our clients' families, these phases have been shortened, drastically
altered, or omitted altogether. The greater the disruption of this cycle, the
greater the disruption of the family and its individual members. One of the
most painful and prominent examples of this is when a child's death precedes
that of his or her parents. As urban violence continues to increase, this is
becoming a reality for an ever greater number of families.
The phases of courtship and marriage and the birth of the first child have often been ignored or altered in our clients' families. A number of factors can impact this disruption. Teen pregnancy, a parent at war, promiscuity, single parenthood, disability, divorce and early death are a few instances which may add greater stress to the family unit and early development of the child. We have witnessed a mourning process in many of our clients for the loss of an unknown father. This mourning process often alternates between a total idealization of the absent parent to a rejecting anger to an unsettling belief that there must be something wrong with the client which caused the parent to leave. This again is a common belief among children who have had a parent die. In his book The Wonder of Boys, Michael Gurian proposes a paradigm to address the growing needs of fatherless families. He proposes that the single parent family builds from their own tight circle of 'family ' out to encompass schools and community agencies and churches to provide an extended web of support for boys to grow and flourish.
The custodial parent must undertake this most challenging
task alone. Unfortunately, many parents rely upon baby-sitters and daycare at
ever earlier ages. It has been estimated that the average American child may go
through 3 different caregivers before he/she reaches one year of age. These
same providers with whom the child is spending a majority of his/her daytime
hours are often unavailable or uninvited to participate in the child's
significant family holidays and rituals. The impact of these rituals is well
documented by Steven Wolin, M.D. As we have repeatedly stated, the consistency
of the primary caretaker is the single most important factor in developing self
esteem.
In two parent families that have followed a more traditional progression which has permitted the couple some time to establish as a system, there is a relatively new pressure. Economically, both parents increasingly feel the need to work to be able to provide for their children. We do not underestimate the number of families where, in fact, this is truly the case. Yet, it needs to be clearly stated that the most important factor of strength and resiliency is a strong and positive self concept. No material possession will ever provide this for a child. What children treasure most is the direct contact, love and affection of their parents. Due to non-existent benefits and low salary, baby-sitters are often working well below the level of aspirations the parents hold for their child. They are often working well below their own aspirations. Yet, we, as a society, are doing little to improve the conditions, education and validation we give the caregivers of our children. We are entrusting them with a significant portion of the self esteem building of our babies. Both T. Berry Brazelton and Dr. Spock say the ideal age for a child to enter a school situation is five years of age. Their waking interactive bonding time is preferably spent with family. It is no wonder that many children are having a more difficult time separating from their daycare provider than from their family. In our family therapy work we must acknowledge and honor the work and impact of these initial childcare providers.
Another curious factor that is often heard is parents are going against feelings of discomfort with providers and defining those feelings as a normal reaction to the state of life today. Let us encourage parents not to invalidate their own intuitions about whatever the situation and resolve it with the person involved or change the situation.
The birth of a sibling is likely to be even more disruptive to the child who may already feel their lock on parental time is at a minimum. If a working parent decides to stay home with the second child, the first child may exhibit all types of acting out behavior. Parents are posed with another untenable situation: adjusting to staying at home and having the needs of two children to handle simultaneously! If it is also the case that the first child's caregiver may no longer be around due to the loss of income or a variety of other factors, this leaves the older child with less attention all the way around in addition to the loss of a significant caretaker. Society has, indeed, become quite complex.
In Minuchin's Families of the Slums the authors do a superb job of detailing how the effects of a chaotic family system appear in the classroom. The children often have not learned the causal relationship between their behavior and consequent reward or punishment. Behavior they may be punished for on one occasion may be tolerated or rewarded on another. When you compound these findings with the increased chaos of urban environments, it is hard to imagine what would engage our students in academic pursuit. Murder has become increasingly common as a factor our junior high school population is forced to confront. Funerals for their friends and families have been postponed or canceled due to threats of more violence. The mourning process has been eliminated, interrupted, or denied. At the traditional time of omnipotence in adolescence these kids are facing their own mortality. It is natural and expected that there is a numbness and feeling of futility evidenced in this population. This is where the crossroads of education and mental health are crucial. We cannot expect these children to attend to academics without having their greater social and emotional needs recognized and validated. I offered our services on a voluntary basis to a school following a kidnapping. I was politely thanked by the principal and told that it would not be necessary until the child was found. This never happened.
Adolescence in the college class has also become
more complicated. These same children who may have had a wealth of material
possessions often prolong their adolescence through four more years of school.
This has increasingly produced a group of young adults who cannot "leave home"
until much later ages. The responsibilities of adult life often continue to be
shouldered by their parents, leaving everyone with questions as to appropriate
resolutions. Parents often alternate between anger at having given so much to
no foreseeable end of support to guilt for feeling there was, perhaps, one more
thing that they failed to supply. In recent conversations I have heard
grandparents who are caretaking the grandchildren recount the entitlement of
parents towards not having children interfere with 'their own time.' Somewhere
along the way we seem to have lost the concept of the needs of the family being
primary to the needs of the individual.
As people continue to live to older ages, the care of the elders is beginning to overlap with the care of one's children due to a variety of factors. Some of these include later child bearing or leaving home difficulties as previously mentioned. It is at this time that society is being called to look at options other than the traditional nuclear family constellation that has difficulty incorporating these shifts. An extended family or community based system may more adequately accommodate the changing needs we encounter today. The natural affinity of children for elders and vice versa speaks to the possibilities herein. Until then we have families that are extremely stressed trying to take care of early childhood, middle adulthood and later years simultaneously.
Major losses at any of these stages compound a delay in the developmental stages at which they occur. In addition to addiction and abuse, there is a wealth of printed material on the impacts of death, divorce and disability on the family system. I will touch briefly on each of these issues with appropriate links. As it is beyond the scope of this work to adequately detail these factors, the clinician is strongly encouraged to research these as they appear in one's practice. Please note these issues and address them before making a more serious diagnosis .
For an extensive look at the state of children's mental health in America please visit this site.
In our original Building Bridges course, we identified three major clinical issues that can disrupt the social and emotional development of the individual and family,; addiction, abuse, and loss. Loss may include the loss of a loved one, the loss of a family through divorce, or the loss of a dream or ability as in the case of disability. While the number of clinical mental health diagnoses is increasing, I do encourage us not to lose site of these very real and , sometimes, devastating life events. Perhaps, the behaviors we are seeing are less maladaptive when viewed in the light of extenuating circumstances.
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Addiction
Psychotherapy that raises anxiety cannot help a person who drinks or uses drugs to relieve anxiety. There is little that can be accomplished if a person sees a need for change and then decides to use to relieve the pressure of having to make that change. The far reaching affects of addiction on the family and individuals within the family are well documented. The family is often in a state of hyperalertness when a parent cannot be counted on for an appropriate and consistent response. When addiction is a primary clinical issue it often can feel as if the family has fallen deep into the abyss. Any attempts to get out often meet with failure and a deeper falling into darkness. This makes it one of the most challenging and complicated issues facing today's clinician. A lack of knowledge regarding addiction can be time consuming, frustrating and ultimately destructive in the therapeutic setting. Due to the interwoven symptomology throughout the body ,mind, and spirit of the addict, our treatment approach must also be multidimensional and interconnected. Our treatment model thoroughly addresses each of these in the treatment of the family or individual. For teachers the behavioral consequences are often mistaken for ADD/ADHD. Restlessness, inattentiveness, hyperalertness, distractibility are all commonly found in children from alcoholic/ addictive homes. In the Natural History of Alcoholism , George E. Vaillant relates living in an alcoholic home as coming just below living in a POW concentration camp in terms of stressful experiences. (Valliant, 1995) When the people who are to care for you are unpredictable and volatile, when the expectations for your behavior can switch at a moment's notice, this may result in many stress reactions and often lack of sleep and nutrition. These kids will be all over the continuum in school from the A student family hero to the acting out child who truly doesn't care as to what happens next. Each is trying to maintain their own sense of control in an uncontrollable situation. Currently, there is much debate over whether
chemical dependency is genetic or environmental. Regardless of this debate, it
is clear that alcoholism and addiction does occur more frequently within
families.
We must accept and acknowledge the power of the disease before us. It is tricky as addiction walks in with parents and children under many different guises or symptoms, e.g. the inability to hold a job or succeed in school, loneliness, inadequate relationships, isolation from family and friends, entitlement, and insecurity. Although the percentage of people using illicit drugs has dropped significantly in the last twenty years, our societal attitudes have also changed. This may not be for the better as now far less people perceive drugs as dangerous. In my informal poll of young adult clients over the past few years, the most frequent age of initial drug use (85%) was 8. As a clinician I was shocked since the prevailing wisdom in treatment says that a person's problem solving abilities stagnate at the age when use begins due to the choice of getting high superseding the process of struggling through an issue. It is one thing to work with adults struggling with issues of adolescence; however, going back to elementary school problem solving abilities in adult problems presents a monumental task. Although the use of mind and body altering substances is documented throughout history, addiction to drugs, alcohol, people, food or sex appears more prevalent in today's societies. A standard working definition of addiction is the use of anything that is compulsive and interferes with the individual's physical, emotional and s spiritual well-being. Although the prospect can be daunting, there are a myriad of help groups available worldwide including churches and Twelve Step groups. What we as clinicians and educators want to avoid is believing our preferred theory and practice of psychotherapy or counseling is enough to facilitate the recovery of addiction without actually addressing the addiction itself. Chemically dependent people have repeatedly shown everyone around them that in spite of their best intentions and purest will, the mental obsession and physical craving for their drug or behavior of choice will destroy in days what they have taken months, years, or a lifetime to create. To believe that we, as a single individual and source of intervention, can counteract such powerful sources is foolish, misleading and no different from the rest of the well meaning and beloved individuals who have watched this client's struggle. Where does this all begin? How do we help ourselves and our students navigate these murky waters? Through our own experience we aim to provide the starting point to understanding and dealing with addiction in your classroom. If you wrestle with it in other parts of your life do not hesitate to make yourself available to the widespread resources you may also suggest for a student. Many Twelve Step meetings have open sessions where you do not have to be an addict or alcoholic to attend. Understanding the journey your student is embarking upon towards healing is crucial. Denial is the primary defense in the disease of addiction and coaddiction. Knowledge and the ability to confront the truth are the ultimate undoing of denial. It is also important to recognize that recovery is a lifelong process. (Note the fact that Twelve Step members often refer to themselves as "recovering".) Addiction is never cured, rather attended to throughout the life of the individual. The earlier the intervention the better chances for recovery. Do not be afraid to be the first link in a chain of people and situations calling attention to problem drinking or drug abuse. If the recovery process takes hold your students will be thankful. Please visit the Recovery web site.
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ABUSE
The stressors of unemployment, anger and abuse are found more frequently with families who use drugs and alcohol. There are few wounds that reach deeper than those inflicted in childhood by parents. There is no way to minimize the affect of having an adult, whom you depend on for survival and support, tease, scream, hit or fondle you as a child. It cuts into your core and leaves a scar for life. It is a gross misuse of power in a relationship that depends upon love, encouragement, attention and support to grow and flourish. Yet as parenthood is increasingly becoming a one person and divided family affair, the stress on parents that leads to such aberrant behavior is increasing rapidly. Approximately 3 million children are reported as abused in the United States yearly. The leading causes or precipitating factors are: 1) history of generational abuse; 2) alcohol/ drug addiction; 3) mental illness; 4) extreme stress on the family.
In spite of the overwhelming statistics people
are more aware of their behavior whether or not they have self control. Abuse
issues continue to come out of the darkness of silence into the light. As a
tree can heal from its wounds and continue to grow in beauty with the scars of
early trauma adding just one more interesting to their
swirled pattern of protection, people, too, are
able to incorporate the early traumas and add depth and character to their
being. Compassion and empathy flourish as wounds are healed and shared.
When abuse is an issue in families appropriate referrals must be made to the Child Protective Services in your area. Naming these agencies as referrals, as opposed to reports, often takes away the stigma or punishing nature of the process. In no case should the teacher decide to handle these situations alone. What good is an injured client or suspended license? There are rules that need to be followed for the protection of all involved. Child Protective Agencies are set up to help enforce the basic tenet that no one child or adult deserves to be abused. This is a very important concept for families to hear and to be reminded of frequently. Although it may seem simplistic, when you've spent your whole life in abusive situations this can seem like a foreign concept. Clearly, when a child does not know which parent will show up, the one who shows love or the one who explodes, it does not allow for a safe exploration of self or the development of self esteem. Additionally, if the person who is supposed to love you most violates your body and/ or mind in any way, it will result in a very skewed version of what love is and what it entails to be 'in love' as an adult. This is a dynamic encountered repeatedly in relationships where there is battering.
One symptom I have witnessed again and again in clients who have been abused as children is something I refer to as "freezing". My adult clients will sometimes describe themselves as knowing what to do and just not being able to follow through to completion. Upon further investigation is seems as though they actually "freeze". They are so deeply frightened on an often unconscious level of making a mistake or not being able to do it just right that they cannot move forward in their attempts. If what they are seeking is the ultimate approval of an inner or outer parent, they are right. They will probably continue to fail in those eyes unless that parent's behavior has truly been understood and recognized for what it is or was. It is my contention that this dynamic develops early in children and can be fostered in an educational setting where the individual styles of the students are not recognized and respected.
As counselors and
educators we must realize that what may seem to be overly anxious behavior,
extreme aggressive behavior, extreme shyness, non stop acting out, chronic
absence and tardiness, and overly responsible adult behavior are likely to have
a very legitimate cause somewhere in the child's life.
These dynamics can be a result of alcoholism the family, extreme
physical or sexual abuse but also by a more insidious type of behavior wherein
the individual child is cajoled, pushed and criticized at each turn of their
development. Verbal slights, judgment and being ignored have tremendous impact
on the human spirit as it develops. The baseline is that it does not serve
anyone to continue to subject themselves to cruel behavior. If the person has
been informed of their hurtfulness and given the opportunity to change to no
avail, it is no longer in an individual's best interest to pursue the
relationship. We need to stay open and alert to possible signs of both
emotional and physical abuse. Additionally we must be very sensitive to the
impact criticizing or humiliating a student individually or in front of a class
can have. I have worked in many settings where teachers and counselors shied
away from investigating this possibility in children's lives. This resistance
ultimately helps no one; both the family and child need the help and
intervention. Most parents do not want to be out of control in their
relationship with their kids. Poverty, lack of time and other stress often
precipitate abuse. Helping the family help themselves may be the most valuable
lesson you facilitate in the lives of your student. Go
to ABA Commission on Domestic Violence.
National Clearinghouse
for Child Abuse and Neglect
HELPING OTHERS Sam showed up for his appointment in dirty clothes that were clearly too small. His hair was unkempt and his head was down. He was referred for failing grades and emotional temper tantrums in class. It was said that he had been a fine student until fourth grade, two years ago. Repeated attempts to reach the parents had resulted in a signed permission slip and three missed appointments on their part. A referral for neglect had been made by the school to Child Protective services. Talking to the CPS worker, he admitted the family was ' a mess'. The house was unclean and excessive drinking on the part of both parents and older siblings. The father had cirrhosis and had not been working for two years. Basically, however, for CPS it came down to a comparison of need. The agency felt this child was in much less danger than many of their cases. With these circumstances we worked with the school, the parents permission , the student and counselor to help educate Sam on personal hygiene and self care. More of these issues were subtly woven into the teacher's lessons. A giveaway day was organized with a local church group wherein clothes were brought in and children could choose three new items. Children were also encouraged to donate items. Sam was nominated to a committee of children to help accept donations. His behavior in class improved dramatically with this extra responsibility. He was more talkative in session which focused on how he was doing outside the home. There was education on alcoholism by AA in class and in session; so, his burden of responsibility for his family was slightly lifted. This case went well but it was no magic cure. Tools were offered to help a young boy deal with an impossible situation. What happens in the future and how his support lines up in school and outer life will continue to impact the nature of his success. It will be a long road.
In my experience, there are certain factors that
quicken a resolution of abuse issues. If there is
also love and encouragement expressed in the household towards the abused child
in addition to the maltreatment, there is at least a base to build upon for
healing. If the child was consistently only related to in a negative
way, it can be very difficult to heal the split that occurs in these clients and
families. It is very difficult to get over being told you are worth nothing
,if you have never had a counterbalance in terms of support and encouragement.
A coach, a teacher, a grandmother, an aunt, a neighbor,
a minister, a friend, any one of these voices can provide a place of
beginning for self esteem and self worth. Childhood wounds
of abuse are often accompanied by ultimatums of silence. Children are often
threatened if they dare reveal their mistreatment. Symbolic work such as
sandtray, art and dream work can circumvent these edicts and allow the material
to emerge and be healed. To use these modalities in the schools your office
must be a safe and protected space. You may also want to consider bringing a
portable sandtray and collection. This is a labor intensive practice but may be
invaluable clinically. To study more on these practices , you may interested in
the courses Sandplay: The Sacred Healing or Exploring the Edge on
www.innerlandscape.com .
| LOSS Divorce Marriage is a bridge connecting two people from different backgrounds, experiences, cultures and upbringings. When the union has produced children, they carry this bridging of histories within them. When the bridge is washed out in divorce the impact is tremendous. As the traditional family system continues to dissolve in America, we find divorce is affecting nearly one out of two families in America. When issues such as terminal illness or disability are added to the equation estimates range from 62-75 % of the marriages will end in divorce. As more people search for their individual meanings, the good of the whole is often compromised. While making no judgment on this trend therapeutically, we must not deny the impact and help our clients through these trying times. This course will address some of the most frequent and universal issues in therapy when dealing with divorce as well as direct you to support sites on the web. First and foremost divorce is a loss. The stages of loss, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance must be addressed and accepted as the natural course of healing. The children often experience this loss most acutely. They are often the ones who will end up living in two places and being in the middle of the parents' conflict. By far the best way to avoid this has been to have the parents move in and out of the family home and keep the disruption of the kids life to a minimum. This is frequently not the solution. When the child must move back and forth between parents give them time and space in each place to adjust. Make sure each home is welcoming for them and respect that transitions and different rules and relationships are tough for all of us. The Kids Bill of Rights is a good guideline to keep in mind to keep you child from having too much pressure in the middle of the divorce. It is often something we share with families. Please read Kids Bill Of Rights. Let us state here that we are addressing divorce in cases where child and spousal abuse are not the primary issues. Those special cases require a different set of standards and interventions contingent on individual circumstances. Web sites throughout this course and the other special issues course address these concerns in greater depth. Never would we, as therapists, encourage a family to stay together and negotiate where there is a history and imminent danger to the spouse or children. Special separate intervention would be mandated for the violent partner. Please visit www.abanet.org In the Divorce Handbook it is clearly stated that divorce has two parts. One is emotional and one is business. For the business legal advice must be sought. For educators the primary mission remains the education of the children. Understanding the traumatic impact gives insight but in no way changes the need for providing a consistent structure in the classroom. Consistency with therapy also becomes more important as kids depend on seeing you at a set time. As this can often be disrupted in the school setting, it is important to establish the necessity with the teacher during the transitional time in case special arrangements need to be made. When students are dealing with such disruption you may see their need for structure increased. You may see limit testing behavior intensify in students where there was little or none of this before. You must also be alert to the child who 'disappears" and seems listless or weepy. Depression is often a result of divorce and can become very serious , if not addressed. The parent that is left or the parent who was not actively choosing the divorce is often left with extreme sorrow. Their dreams of how their life was going to be are shattered. Their dreams of the happy couple and family dissolve into illusion. There is often a bitterness and anger that arises. The other parent has often left to pursue a new beginning, whereas, this parent is left often still holding onto what was before. It may take some time for this partner to readjust and refocus his/her energy on him/herself and what is left . There are usually local support groups such as Parents Without Partners or through churches. There are internet chat and support sites. It is important for these folks to stay connected and not isolate themselves with their grief. Encourage their participation and involvement in local events. It will take some time and nothing has to be rushed. It is a whole new identity to be single again. These parents may be likely to forget appointments, parent consultations among other things. Extra patience can go a long way in these instances. Try not to give up on them. it is often tempting to just deal with the parent that is seemingly having the easier time. Please visit divorceinfo .com
As counselors and educators we must deal with who is the legal guardian and cannot get caught in the middle of the wrangling. If possible it is beneficial to get the parents to agree that counseling and school should be neutral territory for their child. The child's best interest should be the primary concern and there should be space for their needs to be considered. LOSS AND GRIEF Loss of a Child or Parent Even writing this sub
category is painful. The grief in this process is overwhelming and lingering
through one's life, There is never a replacement for the family member who is
lost . If the student has lost a parent their entire life might be changed from
the most basic living conditions to the pervasive emotional impact. School may
be a respite and a place of consistency. This is true in many instances wherein
the family system is severely disrupted. Don't
underestimate the importance of the structure and safety your school and
classroom provides. There are often references to the deceased person in therapy as if they are still living. Successful grief resolution is often temporary and will reappear as sorrow at moments of special import at catalysts of songs, or food or dreams of future events associated with the lost family member. The ultimate treatment is compassion, listening and nonjudgement and TIME. Encouraging the lost person to be remembered in some life affirming activity or ritual is often helpful. Patience and nonjudgment of the clients grief process is essential. Time is often the healing factor. This is not an easily healed wound and there is no magic cure to make the pain go away. Teachers being good listeners are of great facilitation in the healing process. Allowing for the loss to be heard, processed and not hurried in therapy is essential. Schools may find time to allow conversation and discussion in home room or social studies or throughout the day. Often when a class or student is revved up and unable to focus something emotional is triggering the behavior. Taking 15 minutes to check in and listen to what's going on could change the tenor of the day for everyone involved. Do not minimize or generalize their impact on the student in front of you. Loss is the major human trauma. It is the core of what we deal with in all these various forms. We cannot "cure" loss but we can listen and be present. The educator is also encouraged to take a look at themselves and their own historical response to loss and its life changing impact. We can see more clearly our own responses to people or situations if we take care of ourselves first. At one program I worked
with we initiated a project called "The Quilt of Tears". Quilts have
traditionally been used to tell the stories of their makers. When I left the
program several counselors picked up the project with remarkable results. The
teachers and parents allowed the students to participate in memorializing those
they had lost to street violence in fabric paints and materials provided by the
mental health program. It was truly moving and was embraced a community
effort. The senior citizens donated their time in sewing the panels together.
The local transit system bought cases for the panels and sponsored their display
through the various stations along the transit route.Go
to Griefnet. FIRST IMPRESSIONS Jared towered into therapy as a six foot three seventh grader. His intern counselor immediately asked him if he liked sports to which Jared replied he liked math. ( Learning lesson 1 : Ask open ended questions.) The holidays were quickly approaching and Jared made the comment to his counselor that he didn't really care about presents, he just wanted to live to see another year. Jared lived in a very high risk environment where drug and gang violence were the norm. It also was revealed that he had just lost his mother in another state to diabetes. Jared was feeling alone. The intern was feeling overwhelmed. The supervisor suggested that they talk with the math teacher to see how Jared did in his class. The math teacher was eager to be included and said he had noticed Jared's aptitude but his grades were low due to 'forgotten homework'. In the environment Jared was living in homework and time to do it would be a respite. In the community the after school programs were only for children up to 6th grade. This leaves a lot of kid who could benefit from help without support. The intern worked with a community based program and suggested that maybe between this program and the school the could start a homework support group for the older kids. Fortunately there was great support for the idea. Not only did it provide some extra help for kids but students like Jared were able to be helpers. The issues of loss were addressed in the clinical sessions but the community activity gave life another focus as well.
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Disability
Disability has a major impact on any family. This is an issue that comes out of nowhere and is estimated to result in divorce between 65%-72% of the families involved. Everything these families have been planning and dreaming of becomes altered with the event of a disability. If a wage earner is affected their income is disappears immediately. If they are fortunate enough to have adequate insurance that will ease this part of the burden. If not, the waters of Social Security can take months or even years to successfully navigate. There is a grief process involved for each family member involving loss of abilities and restriction to movement due to medical concerns. The disability initially becomes the identifying factor and concern for these families. If a child is affected it will also impact all aspects of the family's well being. Patience and respect are required when helping these families wrestle with this challenge.
I am including the following Uncharted Waters course in its entirety as it is especially relevant to school counselors.
Uncharted
Waters: Working With Families With Children With Special Needs
The world crashes down around you. The waves of your emotions are jostling you from side to side . You search for something to grab onto to steady yourself as the numbing news reaches your brain that your child may never walk, or talk or play ball or jump rope or graduate high school or eat independently or even have regular friends come over and spend the night or drive a car or get married or create grandchildren. The mind reels at a dizzying pace as the information settles in your mind ,body and soul.
Many people will thankfully never have this experience, but
for the thousands of people a year who will deal with this information, it is
very important for the helping professional to try and grasp the impact . The
dreams that are lost are many the parents were not even aware of having until
they heard the news. All kinds of hopes and dreams are attached to births,
childhood and new beginnings. Assumptions are often made that life will sail
along a preset course carefully mapped out using guideposts of established
education, career and job security. The disability can strike like an unseen
boulder rising from below the surface. The once secure map has to be altered or
discarded as doctor and therapy appointments require time from work. Physical
and emotional exhaustion require a spiritual inventory of currently held values
and beliefs and a new search for meaning. We often hear about the wonderful
achievements and accomplishments being made in ever greater numbers by people
with disabilities. In each of these achievements there is often a grueling 24
hour a day/ 7 days a week schedule for their caretakers. The person with the
disability will struggle with their own challenges, thoughts, hopes and dreams.
The siblings will often feel neglected or ignored in the face of the real
demands of the situation. The parent or caretaker will struggle with all of
this plus their own confused feelings and resultant life impact.
Working with families of children with disabilities is
both challenging and deeply rewarding . Rarely will you witness the strength of
human spirit more indomitable than in these families as they cope with the
impossible schedule and needs of their children, the grief at not having a
typical life and the hope that their child will overcome the odds before them
and not only survive but flourish in their world. This client situation presents
for the therapist a uniquely sensitive arena of concerns where the impact of our
actions and interactions may be magnified due to the extreme ongoing stress of
the situation. The situation of disability, especially when first recognized,
is a situation of loss. The family and the child depending on age are
likely to go through the stages of a grief process: shock, denial, anger,
bargaining, and acceptance. (Kubler-Ross). It is important for the
therapist to recognize and understand this process. This understanding will go
further toward healing than any other single intervention. In a workshop I
attended Ken Moses appropriately titled this process From Grief to Growth.
Families will move at differing rates from the devastation of the news to often
becoming very empowered. This cycle can repeat many times throughout the life of
the child. As therapists and educators in this field we may see many children
struggling and it is human nature to desire the parents to take a realistic
assessment, responsibility and get on with the therapy of the child. It is
crucial to realize that grief cannot be hurried or forced, that it is a natural
and very individual process.
The psychological counseling will parallel grief counseling and social work as the parents may go through an excruciating time of shock and denial. Here the parents will often downplay the seriousness of the disability in spite of evidence to the contrary. They may see signs of progress no on else can see. As therapists and educators, it is important not to take away hope in this stage. There are always "miracles" and the parent is the person most likely to hold this vision. Most parents will spend their first days trying against any odds to find a cure. Depending on their financial status and beliefs this can take them all around the world investigating different forms of healing. Although we cannot discourage this behavior, since we never know what might be out there, the encouragement should be placed on following through with any readily available therapeutic rehabilitation sessions, i.e., occupational therapy, physical therapy, infant massage, speech, counseling for the parents (and child depending on age). It is generally believed that early intervention has the most rapid chance of success.
If the disability is going to be permanent, it will become clear in time and the parent can adjust as this becomes more evident. Support the parent in their search for information and understanding about the disability. Help them link to family support groups. There is truly no better support in this situation than another parent who is also going through it. There is an empathy among these families that transcends words and good intentions.
The stage of anger will often find the parents blaming themselves, the medical establishment, or a host of others for the child's disability. While there may be truth in responsibility for the disability, it rarely is of any therapeutic gain to the child to pursue this anger. If there is truly a lawsuit to be filed that should not become the all consuming pursuit of life. Let a lawyer handle it while the family and child adjust and learn to cope with a new way of living. The anger can also lead to questioning God, indulging in self destructive behaviors such as drinking and drugs. There is an increased possibility of abusive behavior towards the child due to frustration and exhaustion. Treat these issues as you would in any other clinical situation: making referrals and getting the parent into more support groups as appropriate. The disability cannot be an excuse for violence to self or others.
It is important to know that this grief process with disability may not come to a successful resolution and be finished in one course of counseling or one great year of school.. As a child enters new developmental levels or chronological age new hopes and dreams of what that time would be like for this child are bound to surface . As is often the case, the parents' own issues about a life phase are reactivated when a child arrives at a particular life phase. The young child is often challenging but easier to care for physically. There are different issues involved when the parent is still helping with things like toileting in adolescence. The loss the parents thought they had resolved may reappear with even greater force. Help your clients explore these issues. If the resulting depression is serious do not hesitate to refer them for a medical evaluation. Chronic stress can deplete the body of resources necessary to be able to bounce back and cope at a reasonable level.
Bargaining will be characterized by searching for cures, thinking one more session, drug, or piece of equipment will end the suffering. Parents may wish they could be able to carry the disability rather than their child. Parents often don't realize how much of it they actually are carrying as they transport from doctor to therapist and try to navigate the challenges of daily self care. When they take a minute and just stop and look at their child they realize that they are actually suffering more than the child. In The Phantom Tollbooth the main character Milo gets a chance to float above the ground and view things as an adult. After crashing to the ground he agrees that it was interesting "but I think I'll continue to see things as a child. It's not so far to fall." As in many matters kids are more resilient . They do not have the same hopes and dreams and fears attached to their situation . As long as Mom and Dad and the helpers are on their side they keep pushing along. I have witnessed children in what many would perceive as the most dire straits laughing and expressing joy from the depths of their souls. No matter what the circumstance they are still children with the desire to play and enjoy life. If we meet them with joy and compassion, not heavy hearts and sympathy, they respond with joy in kind. The movement on people first language addresses this issue. We are reminded to speak of a person with special needs rather than the special needs person therefore addressing the humanity first rather than the difference between us. Helping the parent get enough distance to pull back and see this as a process of learning for the child and family is extremely beneficial. Please note that I have also seen children in extreme distress many hours a day and any method to relieve this pain is by far the most compassionate choice. Growing through disability is a challenging process and there will be struggles and pain and there are extremes . There are also cases where the parents are just too tired to go through one more struggle with their child that day. Our best intervention is to stay nonjudgmental and affirm that their interest is in the best interest of the family.
Parents in the bargaining stage will try to elicit information that will give them greater hope. Due to many concerns, both legal and real, educators cannot build up parents' hopes beyond what is average in any particular case. Additionally, helping professionals must also underline just how bad things can get. This is an uncomfortable situation for both the professional and the parent. Each would love to be giving and receiving positive rather than pessimistic forecasts. How it is delivered will have consequences. I know of a case wherein although there was a appointment with the doctor scheduled for the next day, a parent was called and told over the phone by a worried doctor that their child's case might be progressive and they might die. There was no imminent reason for this disclosure, only the fact that the doctor had previously discounted the parent's observation of the child's worsening condition.
Remember life is often intensified more than we can imagine for these families and things we may see as fairly inconsequential take on great importance. Anger may come out here at lack of follow through from doctors or therapist. Canceled or rescheduled appointments for these families are often an enormous inconvenience as they have to plan, dressing, feeding and many other therapy appointments into the course of a day, week or month. One client I worked with was waiting for her visit with a developmental specialist who was ten minutes late. She was called and told that he had decided to "pour the cement for his driveway that morning" and would not be coming. Although some of these vignettes may sound like horror stories, one only has to sit a room of parents of children with disabilities to see how commonplace these indiscretions truly are. Try to give these cases the utmost priority whenever possible. There is an expectation from parents that each little bit of therapy is going to push them closer to the goal. As parents come out of the illusion of doctors and therapists are at the helm of their child's progress, they gain greater acceptance of the enormous amount of work and responsibility that they and their child have for each exercise and step of progress made.
Kim was born with encephalcele, where much of his brain developed outside of his skull. His parents were told by hospital staff that it would be better not to feed him since he would spend his short life severely disabled and institutionalized. His parents were strong practitioners in alternative healing methods. Kim was breast fed and stabilized in the hospital. The parents used diet, therapeutic massage and hands on healing in addition to listening what other therapists had to offer. All of the time they affirmed the consciousness, intelligence and awareness of this special child. Against the wishes of the speech therapist he has continued without special assistive equipment and his speech is becoming more intelligible. Any person who takes the time knows he understands and has a terrific sense of humor. In therapy at age ten he did a sandtray focused around the operation on his head. He immediately insisted on bringing his Mom in and showing her. (Figure 12) Both the mother and therapist were overwhelmed by the power of what this young boy was finally able to release and communicate to us without words. Further therapy focused on his emotions with regard to his peers and father. Sandplay and art were the most accessible therapeutic mediums for this child. Although his learning is not age equivalent, he is progressing in his art and learning at school with ever improving reading and spelling skills and terrific handwriting. His mother is using his meticulous abilities to organize to help her in her business on secretarial tasks. She has also engaged the services of local artists to work with him. His life expectancy was less than a year at birth and he has now celebrated his 13th birthday.
In the
acceptance
phase therapists may perceive the parents as not caring as much. There can be a
distancing to reassess the priority of needs and likelihood of gains in any one
particular area. We must realize with a child of special needs there are often
three or more therapists plus a pediatrician plus specialist doctors plus
educators giving a family information and opinions. Many families have never
been this involved in the medical or educational realms and are going to need
significant time and interpretation to understand the total concept of what is
being said. Families as illustrated in Lorenzo's Oil may devote their
entire being to helping their child in every manner possible. Navigating the
waters of daily living can be an equally heroic gesture. When an OT is talking
to you about whether your child can use scissors, the PT wants you to do a
'simple set of exercises', your doctor is wondering whether the child will live,
and the medical bills are sending you to bankruptcy court, the whole picture
becomes quite overwhelming. Parents will necessarily need to pull back
occasionally and decide from their experience what is most helpful to their
child. Another important development in this acceptance process is what Tom
Sullivan in his book Special Parent ,Special Child refers to as the
parent's loss of identity. They become 'the parent of a child with a
disability' to the exclusion of all other sense of self. He suggests that
parents "must be able to have an appropriate sense of humor and an
understanding that the battles they fight are not won every day. These
skirmishes are simply endless, and need to be thought of as an ongoing part of
life." (Sullivan, p13.)
Emma was disabled by a vaccine at 18 months of age. She had been walking since 9 months and had begun to talk in simple sentences. Following the HIb vaccine she progressively lost all gross and fine motor development. She was no longer able to sit up, let alone crawl or walk. Given the enthusiasm surrounding this vaccine as it is preventative of meningitis, no one initially connected the disability and the shot. After much searching and many tests, it was an osteopath who made the connection of what had happened to this little girl. At that time the pediatrician and the neurologist reported it as a vaccine injury. Before this time the child was undergoing numerous tests and appointments and increasingly getting worse. The tests as in the case in many vaccine injuries showed nothing. Since the parents both had professional careers and private insurance no referral was made to free therapy programs, which were not based upon income; this in spite of having to travel 1 1/2 hours round trip to go to an appointment, which could have been free, four blocks from their house. Following a medical bankruptcy these services were mentioned. The struggles were biggest where the need was the greatest in speech and occupational therapy. Whereas, the speech therapist had a relationship with the child that encompassed the struggle, the OT was not able to reach this type of understanding with the child. The parents could see this and cut back on OT and attempted to do these things, eating, printing ,etc. more at home. The focus became gross motor and speech. Emma was up and walking by 3 years 9 months and has gained both speech and fine motor abilities. By the time the child entered second grade early rising and dressing had become a struggle. It was determined that having a happier student was more important than punctuality and a modified school day was instituted. The parents in this case both developed different career options to accommodate the increasing needs of their daughter and became active advocates in the educational rights of children with special needs. In spite of all this success the mother can still report "down" times when she realizes the extent of the injury on learning abilities. She still wrestles with the concept that one day it will all just be history rather than an ongoing life circumstance.
How We As
Education Professionals Can Help
As in any case we must first
listen and assess what is this family telling you that they need. Are
there survival concerns? If food, clothing, or shelter is needed and
there is no available social worker or case manager for this client, you
may need to assume this role and try to connect them to appropriate services.
Case management help is often available through Children's Hospitals who will
also have social workers who are well versed in these areas. Get a signed
release to talk with one and save your client a phone call. This is not a step
towards disempowering the client. They will continue to gain in power and
authority as it all progresses. Go
to link for The National Information Center for Children and Youth With
Disabilities
Learn about the diagnosis and treatment to the best of your ability
Use your consultants and reading to get an understanding of the relevant condition. It will be important for parents to know not only the medical options open to them but the recreational and educational opportunities as well. If you have a relationship with the child your attendance at an IEP (Individualized Educational Plan) can really help facilitate the parents' goals. The Individualized Education Plan is available to all children with any special needs. This can be a most intimidating experience for your average parent who is not used to sitting in meetings with several professionals discussing their child and family. Supporting and empowering the parent through this meeting can be a lifelong contribution to this family. There are also advocates available for this process through local disability and parent support groups. Go to the link for Easter Seals. Go to the link for the ARC.
Kim's recent IEP included a therapist who had been working with him over the last year in junior high. After attending several IEPs over the years, his mother continues to expect greater awareness on the part of therapists. Thus, she was shocked ,but responded politely, when the physical therapist expressed her concern that Kim had not developed socially beyond parallel play. Remembering the previous vignette that Kim is very disabled in his speech , thought and physical appearance, Kim's mother was stunned when the PT then suggested that he join junior high PE. In this case junior high PE includes track and basketball and the teacher is not interested in having students with special needs. The mother politely pointed these things out and declined the intervention.
Know the local
resources in your area
Know that your hour or session is to be available to
support the parent through their process not to solve it for them. There are
often no solutions. This is a difficult thing for most humans to accept as it is
hard to understand any reason for the suffering of children. We must all
acknowledge at times that there are no easy answers, no theories that
explain away the depth of human suffering, no identifiable cause and reasons . Go
to the link for Internet Resources For Special Children
Encourage their involvement with the local parents support network
These are the folks who will really understand what your
client is going through. Although many parents may be reluctant initially to
reach out for this support, they inevitably find a place where they feel at
home. Struggling on a daily basis with your child's survival and
development gives a world view common to no other. It is a very powerful
experience to hear someone express the same frustrations, concerns, hopes and
fears that make you uncomfortable. I highly recommend Special Child
Special Parent by Tom Sullivan for parents, as well as therapists, to
more fully understand the repercussions of living with a child with a
disability. Go to link for
Family Village
Erica was eight when she was referred by the special ed teacher for counseling. The therapist was advised that she may not receive much cooperation from the mother. Erica's diagnosis at the time was multi handicapped. The therapist was quite surprised to meet Erica who exhibited very high level autistic behaviors. When meeting with the mother the therapist asked if anyone had suggested this diagnosis to the parents. The mother admitted that she ad a great deal of guilt around her daughter's disability. In her culture the kids were just accepted as "slow". Beyond that she had not had any more specific education. The therapist explained and investigated the diagnosis of autism with the mother. She was appreciative to have something more substantial to understand. She became very active with the state autism group and very engaged in her daughter's ongoing education.
Be flexible in your educational style
Each of these families may take you into an arena previously unknown to you, which may require a rethinking of thoughts and values you once held self evident. Be willing to open up to new ways of thinking and understanding, your students are certainly being pushed into this way. Dear Abby has a column entitled A Trip to Holland you will often see posted in agencies that work with people with disabilities. It uses the analogy of taking a trip thinking you are going to an exotic place such as Paris with its glittering lights, art, foods and culture. When you get off the plane you realize that you are in Holland. Although it is not as glittering and flamboyant, it does have a certain beauty all its own.
Empathy
Be open hearted but do not fool yourself into thinking that you have ever experienced anything like this unless you truly have been a twenty four hour a day caretaker with major sleep deprivation and uncertainty as to whether your child would live.
Boundaries
Although self disclosure is sometimes helpful in its teaching capacity, these families are already so overburdened they do not need to know of your current difficulties. In comparison most of what we deal with daily is minor.
If it exists at all, realize that taking care of
themselves often comes way down on the list of a parent with a child with high
needs. Encouraging a parent to "take some time for themselves" is one thing,
knowing if there are respite providers in your area is another. Even if this
service exists the thought of a parent going out and enjoying themselves
if their child is still in an unpredictable or life threatening condition is
unrealistic. Give them time to know and trust a support system.
I often will relate the following story to the over stressed parent to
support the need to sometimes just cancel everything and take a break.
Anyway, a rainy day now and then is a great convenience, yes, even a blessing. Sometimes you get tired in this world and do not know what is the matter with you. You become disinterested in what is happening, grouchy, irritable, and all that is really the matter is that you are tired.
The story is told of some travelers in South American jungles, who were moving along at a forced pace. The native guides and pacers were driven to the utmost. One day the explorer, a white man of international fame came from his tent ready to renew the hurried journey. But in place of the usual industry, his packers sat on their haunches not making a move to get ready. All the threatening and pleading he could employ did not stir them. Their explanation was that they were going to wait for their souls to catch up with them. They had the hurried sense that was creating confusion in their minds. The peace of well timed action was gone. They were not going farther until that feeling of peace came again. Furthermore, their leader knew they were right! (Campbell, 211)
Encourage your clients to take a "rainy day".
Know your own limits
These are cases that can place high level of demand on therapist's time and emotion. Know what you can honestly offer and assess your own capabilities in relation to the needs to the case. Also realize that most parents in this situation will not ask a lot from you as they quickly become experts in submerging their own needs to the situation at hand.
Recognize the special issues of siblings
Siblings are often conflicted in their feelings towards
each other naturally. This can be your best buddy or fiercest competitor.
When a sibling is disabled it often elicits intensified feelings of not being
the
special one or, conversely, guilt or entitlement at being the lucky
one. The child with the disability often does require more time and energy
and more helping adults involved in their life. It is a natural response
of many friends to bring something extra for the child with special needs
consequently leaving the sibling feeling left out.
Eight year old, Jamal, has an older sister with a disability, which causes the family to move at a slower pace than his general high energy preference. He is very patient and caring with his sister, but as the following dream illustrates he sometimes feels unseen. "I was having a birthday party but all the toys that were given me were things that my sister would like. Even the birthday party was Barney and the games and tokens were for baby games. I still was going to play but I lost my tokens. I went to my Mom and she didn't even care to get me more tokens." This dream was a special gift to the parents who started to make greater efforts to focus more special attention on him.
Encourage the parents to recognize this dynamic and make special time or activities for siblings as well. Sibling support groups are also very helpful. Here children can discuss their anger and sadness at having a sibling who is "not like other kids." By all means normalize this behavior and recognize the truth in their experience. It helps everyone to know that these feelings do come up and to find appropriate means for their expression. Go to the link for Ability Online
Support the parents in their efforts towards empowerment
Support their questioning of all helping professionals, so that they can best understand and facilitate their child's' healing. An informed partner with regards to the nature of their child's condition and educational prospects is by the far the best advocate for the child. While the parent must understand the limitations of any one practitioner's time, experience and knowledge, it is not unreasonable for the parent to ask the practitioner for further help and direction in increasing their own knowledge. Most doctors, therapists and educators welcome the role of parents as partners and facilitators in the healing process. We must all recognize and agree upon the idea that we are working toward a common goal: the health and well being of the child and family. We can all work together to create a map for these uncharted waters.
Motivation is the key concept I hear mentioned when parents and teachers are asked where they most need help . With the changes in technology and family activities, the long days of school and delayed gratification associated with self discipline and learning seem to present ever greater challenges in the classroom and at home. Below you will find some truly helpful evidence-based theory and intervention resources to provide understanding, intervention and learning tools for the clinician, educator and student and family member.
Motivation and Middle School Students. ERIC Digest. http://www.ericdigests.org/1999-1/motivation.html by Anderman, Lynley Hicks - Midgley, Carol Few educators would argue with the premise that student motivation is an important influence on learning. Motivation is of particular importance for those who work with young adolescents. Considerable research has shown a decline in motivation and performance for many children as they move from elementary school into middle school (Eccles & Midgley, 1989). Often it has been assumed that this decline is largely caused by physiological and psychological changes associated with puberty and, therefore, is somewhat inevitable. This assumption has been challenged, however, by research that demonstrates that the nature of motivational change on entry to middle school depends on characteristics of the learning environment in which students find themselves (Midgley, 1993). Although it is difficult to prescribe a "one size fits all" approach to motivating students, research suggests that some general patterns do appear to hold true for a wide range of students. This Digest outlines some suggestions for middle school teachers and administrators for enhancing student motivation, and discusses three theories that are currently prominent and that have particular relevance for young adolescent students and their teachers. ATTRIBUTION THEORY The first point to be emphasized is that students' perceptions of their educational experiences generally influence their motivation more than the actual, objective reality of those experiences. For example, a history of success in a given subject area is generally assumed to lead one to continue persisting in that area. Weiner (1985), however, pointed out that students' beliefs about the reasons for their success will determine whether this assumption is true. Students' attributions for failure are also important influences on motivation. When students have a history of failure in school, it is particularly difficult for them to sustain the motivation to keep trying. Students who believe that their poor performance is caused by factors out of their control are unlikely to see any reason to hope for an improvement. In contrast, if students attribute their poor performance to a lack of important skills or to poor study habits, they are more likely to persist in the future. The implications for teachers revolve around the importance of understanding what students believe about the reasons for their academic performance. Teachers can unknowingly communicate a range of attitudes about whether ability is fixed or modifiable and their expectations for individual students through their instructional practices (Graham, 1990). GOAL THEORY While attribution theory focuses on the reasons students perceive for their successes and failures in school, goal theory focuses on the reasons or purposes students perceive for achieving (e.g., Ames, 1992; Maehr & Midgley, 1991; Midgley, 1993). While different researchers define the constructs slightly differently, two main goal orientations are generally discussed. These are task goals and ability goals. A task goal orientation represents the belief that the purpose of achieving is personal improvement and understanding. Students with a task goal orientation focus on their own progress in mastering skills and knowledge, and they define success in those terms. An ability goal orientation represents the belief that the purpose of achieving is the demonstration of ability (or, alternatively, the concealment of a lack of ability). Students with an ability goal orientation focus on appearing competent, often in comparison to others, and define success accordingly. Studies of students' goal orientations generally find that the adoption of task goals is associated with more adaptive patterns of learning than is the adoption of ability goals, including the use of more effective cognitive strategies, a willingness to seek help when it is needed, a greater tendency to engage in challenging tasks, and more positive feelings about school and oneself as a learner (Anderman & Maehr, 1994; Ryan, Hicks, & Midgley, 1997). If adopting a task goal orientation is related to positive educational outcomes for students, the question then arises as to how such an orientation can be fostered. Recent studies suggest that the policies and practices in classrooms and schools influence students' goal orientations (Ames & Archer, 1988; Maehr & Midgley, 1991). Specific suggestions (Midgley & Urdan, 1992, p. 12) for moving toward a task focus in middle schools include moving away from: 1. grouping by ability and over-use of standardized tests to grouping by topic, interest, and student choice and to frequent reformation of groups; 2. competition between students, and contests with limited winners, to cooperative learning; 3. using test data as a basis for comparison to using test data for diagnosis and to alternatives to tests such as portfolios; 4. normative grading and public display of grades to grading for progress or improvement and involving students in determining their grades; 5. recognition for relative performance, honor rolls for high grades, and over-use of praise (especially for easy tasks) to recognition of progress improvement and an emphasis on learning for its own sake; 6. decisions made exclusively by administrators and teachers to opportunities for choice and student decision making, self-scheduling, and self-regulation; 7. departmentalized approach to curriculum to thematic approaches/interdisciplinary focus, viewing mistakes as a part of learning, allowing students to redo work, and encouraging students to take academic risks; 8. rote learning and memorization, over-use of worksheets and textbooks, and decontextualized facts to providing challenging, complex work to students, giving homework that is enriching, and encouraging problem solving and comprehension; 9. pull-out programs and retention to cross-age tutoring, or peer tutoring, and enrichment. SELF-DETERMINATION THEORY A third motivational theory of particular importance for middle school educators is self-determination theory (Deci & Ryan, 1985). This theory describes students as having three categories of needs: needing a sense of competence, of relatedness to others, and of autonomy. Competence involves understanding how to, and believing that one can, achieve various outcomes. Relatedness involves developing satisfactory connections to others in one's social group. Autonomy involves initiating and regulating one's own actions. Most of the research in self-determination theory focuses on the last of these three needs. Within the classroom, autonomy needs could be addressed through allowing some student choice and input on classroom decision making. For young adolescent students, with their increased cognitive abilities and developing sense of identify, a sense of autonomy may be particularly important. Students at this stage say that they want to be included in decision making and to have some sense of control over their activities. Unfortunately, research suggests that students in middle schools actually experience fewer opportunities for self-determination than they did in elementary school (Midgley & Feldlaufer, 1987). Deci, Vallerand, Pelletier, and Ryan (1991) summarized contextual factors that support student autonomy. Features such as the provision of choice over what types of tasks to engage in and how much time to allot to each are associated with students' feelings of self-determination. In contrast, the use of extrinsic rewards, the imposition of deadlines, and an emphasis on evaluations detract from a feeling of self-determination and lead to a decrease in intrinsic motivation. It is important to recognize that supporting student autonomy does not require major upheaval in the classroom or that teachers relinquish the management of students' behavior. Even small opportunities for choice, such as whether to work with a partner or independently, or whether to present a book review as a paper, poster, or class presentation, can increase students' sense of self-determination. Finally, it is important to recognize that students' early attempts at regulating their own work may not always be successful. Good decision making and time management require practice. Teachers can help their students develop their self-regulation by providing limited choices between acceptable options, by assisting with breaking large tasks into manageable pieces, and by providing guidelines for students to use in monitoring their own progress. CONCLUSION Middle school teachers often teach many students over the
course of a school day, and for a relatively short period of time. Given such
brief contact with so many, it is easy to underestimate the influence that one's
teaching practices can have on any one individual. Current moves to implement
the middle school philosophy may provide a more facilitative schedule for both
teachers and students, but even in a highly structured middle school, teachers
can take specific steps to provide a learning environment that will promote the
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motivation and emotion. PSYCHOLOGICAL REVIEW, 92(4), 548-573. EJ 324 684.
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